Before I begin, I want to share that this is a topic very close to my heart as this was a ‘turn around’ for me at a recent training. This was the point in the training that caused that ‘shift’ within.. when the penny really dropped for me!
So lets begin.. what do I mean when I say ’empowered’? What I mean is – How would you like to drop all the reasons and excuses that are somehow seemingly outside of your power and assume full ownership of all the results you have in your life.. you think you could do that? As a reward of having that kind of attitude, you will feel ’empowered’, you will feel that you matter, you have a say! In my model of the world, Empowerment is simply an attitude, it’s not something someone can give you or take away from you either! Its your ATTITUDE. That means YOU have full control over it, because its yours!
If we observe people in this context, we find there are 2 categories of people in this world. People are either living on the ‘Cause’ side of life or on the ‘Effect’ side of life. I’m sure you have heard that any cause causes an effect. Nothing really happens like an accident in life. There is always a Cause and a resultant Effect. You are either on the cause side of life or on the Effect side of life – meaning you’re either taking full responsibility for all your results in your life where you caused them somehow or you are pretending to be on the effect side of life where things have happened to you and you certainly are not the one who has done it to you.. with me so far?
Lets see how people in these two categories react. The Effect side of people – when they have a result in their life, (a result is any result in your life – your bank account, your health, your relationships, anything or for a student his performance in school, his relationships etc), when this category of people have a result in their life that they like or are proud of – eg.. they closed a big deal, did well in exams etc, they do not shy from proclaiming – “I did this”.. “I made it happen..” “good for me..” However, when they have a result they are not happy with, they turn the story around “..it was not me”, “..that happened to me!!”.. “Poor me!”
One one side, we feel empowered taking full ownership no matter what the outcome is and the other side is having a victim-hood attitude where instantly you dis-empower yourself from further thinking and further action. There’s always reasons (or excuses) on why certain things happened in your life.
Some of you may say it is just silly to take ownership of ALL that happened in your life, for example this current Corona crisis, how does one take ownership of that?? or when you’re fired from your job because the company is cost cutting.. whatever the reason.. how does one take ownership of that? Having an attitude of I don’t know what I don’t know.. I have no way of proving that I caused anything.. or whether I had nothing to do with it.. there is no scientific way to prove either of them.. so in the absence of absolute knowing, it leaves us with a choice to CHOOSE an attitude that serves us and empowers us OR dis-empowers us and cripples us..
One of my main strategies in life now is to evaluate – does this serve me? Does feeling what I am currently feeling about any given situation, serve me? ..if not, I just stop pretending that I had nothing to do with it and start pretending that I had everything to do with it! People on the cause side of life believe that all the results in their life is their doing, they created them.. even when they are not proud of a result, there is no blame.. they created some not desired results.. they created them somehow so they have the power to change them.. if the presupposition is that they caused it, they feel empowered and ask themselves what do they need to learn from this? what should they do differently to turn the situation around?
We keep repeating the same mistakes again and again until.. we LEARN from it. Only once we truly learn, do we change!
A funny joke that goes around families.. when kids do something good, something to be proud of.. a parent is quick to resort proudly, “Oh my boy.. my girl!” and when they do something not very well, each parent says its from the other parent’s side of the family 🙂
Remember, for as long as you choose a dis-empowering attitude, no one can help you.. we tried this as a society.. we tried changing the outside world, it doesn’t help.. so we go inside.. what do I need to change in me.. Gandhi said – “Be the change you want to see in the world”. So step up in life – leave the effect side of life.. choose to pretend and claim your life back!